Tattle Tales by Granny #4

Granny on birthdays
My mom’s favorite birthday was when Granny took all five kids into the woods to look for wild violets. Afterwards, Granny climbed a guava tree and tossed down juicy guavas with pink centers. They ate them by the river and listened to another of Granny’s yarns. Mom said she never realized they were too poor for a traditional birthday party.

Granny on her favorite grandchild
The night before Granny’s funeral, all of her grandchildren gathered at my aunt’s and told our favorite granny stories. “Now, don’t you go tellin’ the others, but you are my favorite. I know I ain’t supposed to have a favorite, but, land, young’un, you stole my heart and I love you best of all.” We all laughed when discovered that she had told each of us that we were her favorite, then swore us to secrecy.

Granny on cooking
My father’s mother made the finest chicken and dumplings around. Granny, my mother’s mother, not to be outdone, created her own speciality–canned green peas and dumplings. I dreaded when she made this masterpiece, which consisted of a huge ball of gummy dumpling dough with over-processed canned green peas stuck all over it!

Granny on one liners
Granny loved one line jokes and “old timey” sayings, which she usually got mixed up. Wish I could remember more of them. We were always fascinated that she could eat corn-on-the-cob with no teeth. When we kids asked her how she did it, she said, “Why, I gum it to death!” She would have loved the one liner, “I’m busier than a one-tooth man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.”

Granny on not remembering
“That darn fool doctor says I got Alzheimer’s! I don’t believe him–I’m just gonna’ forget he ever said that!”

Granny on marriage
“I got married so often that the Justice of the Peace gave me two for one marriage certificates.”

Granny on driving
“Sure am glad they put that stop light in town. It’s nice and polite how everyone stops now so I can drive through.”


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